It's here!

The summer holidays! It honestly felt like they would never actually arrive. This last week seems to have slowed down day after day until time was actually going in reverse. 

June always feels so long with its myriad of social commitments - dancing, guiding, school, friends, family and even work seems more than I can fit in. 

But it's here! The kids are out of uniform, school bags are empty and we are ready for the adventures of a fun filled, action packed summer holidays. 

Now I just have to do a million things this weekend and then I can look forward to our wicked holiday! 

Time for a cup of tea and an early night I think!

10 Awesome Things

Making plans for our holiday and realising friends are just as excited to see us as we are to see them

Being reminded how much fun my Senior Section unit are. And inspiring and hilarious and epic. 

Getting badges in the post. Lots of them. Some I've even earned already. 

Reconnecting with old friends and picking up where we left off. 

Feeling physically better. I'm still ill but I feel in control and that the journey is slowly upward. 

Hip hip hooray it's nearly dancing day. The dance show is this weekend so it's time for tutus, lipstick, photos, cake, and proud mummy moments. 

The awesomeness of a husband who will bake for your work at 11:30pm because you were out at a friend's house for the evening. 

A pile of books  I can't wait to read. 

Singing along to Eurovision songs with the girls in the car and wondering when we learned ALL the words. 

Climbing into bed and realising you might actually get a good nights sleep. 

Night all

What I'm doing right now

I'm lying on the sofa. 

It's been a long day, well... Long for me these days. This week I've been in the office 3 of the four days and I'm in again tomorrow. I've been asking myself if that's too much, too soon?

In someways it may be. But I'm home early. I've got an hour or so to relax before tea. I can listen to the girls playing outside and overhear their little conversations. I can watch them ride their bikes up and down. 

I can close my eyes and in an hour or so I'll feel alive again instead of sore and exhausted. It's a fine balancing act but I'm slowly managing more for longer. I suspect that the old Clair is still in there and I may get her back one day. 

So I'm off for a nap. 30 minutes for my sanity. 

Time for tea?

I may be a little in love with my new cupboard for my teacups. 

I love down-sizing in-laws don't you?

Easter Sunday

Lately I've been struggling, and I mean really struggling. I've been pushing myself for too long (about 18 months too long). Turns out that's not a good thing when you have Fibromyalgia. You live and learn. 

Finally realising what I had wrong with me was not made up in my head. That I really did have all this pain, that I really was this tired and that I really did find it that hard to think. Liberating. Then terrifying. 

What if it never gets better? What if I can't live my life the way I want to? What if I need to give up things I love for no real return? What if, what if, what if. 

What if I just live today. Doing what I can do today. Like writing a long letter to an old friend I've not seen in a really long time. What if I don't worry too much about tomorrow, about what I might or might not be able to do. 

It's not an easy ask for someone who likes to have plan. For someone who likes to have ten projects on the go and ten more in the back of her mind. 

So what if I didn't decorate for Easter like I used to? The girls still loved the Easter basket of eggy goodness. 

How about I just focus on a sunny Easter Sunday at home? I don't need to fight all the days to come right now, I just need to face this one and make it the best I can. The next day might be better, it might not be, but right now? Life is good. 

Happy Easter. 

Minnie and Mum

Today is Mother's Day. 

It's also the eve of Minnie's birthday. She will be seven. 

Everyday I miss my mum, we've been without her for nearly three years and although that seems like such a long time for me it must seem doubly so for the girls- for whom a year is still incredibly long and filled with endless change. 

But I refuse to dwell on the missing her. I will never stop missing her, my mama is part of who I am and that will never change. 

Instead I will take everything she taught me and showed me about parenting and loving your children and use it everyday. 

I will hug and kiss my children and tell them they are loved. I will try to let them spend as much time with all of those who also love them because they are all the richer for that love. I will try not to yell too often, to worry too much about mess and mud and things not being just so. I will try to show them their responsibilities- as part of this family, as part of the community and as how to be kind and generous like their granny. 

Mother's Day isn't a big deal here with some awesome handmade cards and breakfast in bed not a penny needed to be spent but there was love a plenty. 

So tomorrow we will have a house full of people and a house full of love because everyone wants to celebrate that my baby is one year older. And one year more wonderful, one year funnier, one year more huggable and we want wish her so many more. 

Happy Birthday Minnie, it's a joy to be your mama x

Spring!

Spring is on its way... We had a picnic this weekend!