Finally realising what I had wrong with me was not made up in my head. That I really did have all this pain, that I really was this tired and that I really did find it that hard to think. Liberating. Then terrifying.
What if it never gets better? What if I can't live my life the way I want to? What if I need to give up things I love for no real return? What if, what if, what if.
What if I just live today. Doing what I can do today. Like writing a long letter to an old friend I've not seen in a really long time. What if I don't worry too much about tomorrow, about what I might or might not be able to do.
It's not an easy ask for someone who likes to have plan. For someone who likes to have ten projects on the go and ten more in the back of her mind.
So what if I didn't decorate for Easter like I used to? The girls still loved the Easter basket of eggy goodness.
How about I just focus on a sunny Easter Sunday at home? I don't need to fight all the days to come right now, I just need to face this one and make it the best I can. The next day might be better, it might not be, but right now? Life is good.
Happy Easter.
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